If there is anything that nudges us to watch BAYWATCH, then it has to be our hugely talented Prima Donna, Priyanka Chopra, our latest export to Hollywood!!!!
After a resounding success of crime series, QUANTICO, snapping up a major commercial Hollywood biggie seemed all too natural. But is garnering a meaty role in a frivolous spoof of a popular tele series of 90’s, a good-enough deal???? I doubt. But rest assured, Priyanka will gain enough credits through this insipid puerile film.
Honestly, to have BAYWATCH released in India after passing through the strainer of CBFC, is in itself a big achievement. Hence, this ‘R’ rated titillating stuff flows out as a holier than thou family drama on the sea shore.
Heavily censored BAYWATCH has been edited so recklessly that it reminded me of my childhood when tele channels would be changed abruptly to halt any impending adult scenes. So the result is a patchy, just-there-but-missed-it kind of scenes which are bound to disappoint die-hard BAYWATCH series fans…. hard luck folks!!!!
But what- the- heck, BAYWATCH still continues to be an ogle-fest. Bombshell babes in red hot bikinis slithering on Miami beach will surely send the temperatures soaring.
Predictably, there is no difference between the basic premise of BAYWATCH 2017 and Seth Gordon’s BAYWATCH of 90’s.
A good-looking team of life guards are out to protect its shore line who invariably get enough chances to mess up and then save helpless souls in a heroic manner after much running, heaving and body-baring. 😉 But boy, these glamorous bunch of lifeguards have envious lives. Life is one big holiday in red boxers and bikinis…poor us, slogging at our boring cubicles. But in between, they manage to bust some evil plans of seductress, Victoria Leeds and planet earth is saved from a mighty disaster. Job done, team BAYWATCH is back to merry making.
Cast includes ‘Rock’ Dwayne Johnson as Mitch Buchannan, a chilled out lieutenant of Baywatch team with a heart of gold. While Zac Efron is Matt Brody, a new recruit, fresh from Olympic failure who is too big for his boots. Naturally, this love-hate relationship between a boss and his protégé is entertaining and manages few laughs. Dwayne and Zac’s beach-bodies keep us engrossed but only for a while till it loses its charm after innumerable shirtless scenes. Sigh !!!
And when there is no crisis at the sea, viewers can feast on the trademark slo-mo shots of enviously sultry silhouettes in red swim suits with deep necks that are sure to fire up some wild fantasies.
With the sole aim of grabbing eye balls at any cost, BAYWATCH stoops pretty low when it comes to objectifying the female crew from every angle at every given opportunity. Not that original BAYWATCH was a family sitcom but it was miles away from unnecessary nudity and stupidity. Crude sexual content is far from funny and that makes original ‘Bunny ‘Pamela Anderson far more holy.
As if aware of nothing-much-happening-in-the-main-plot, makers of the film try to keep up the tempo with bass-heavy music that fast track the lame sequences to their predictable climaxes.
But before the film loses its marbles, Priyanka as Club baroness, Victoria Leeds saves the day for the Baywatchers. Her villainous track of a scheming, femme-fettle is purely unadulterated fun. Her smouldering act gains maximum footage in the limited screen time….a far more hotter and sexier version of Pamela who will be surely noticed by one and all. A big shout-out to our dusky diva for holding her own against the mighty ‘Rock’ and the company. But in future, we want her to stir clear of such below average films.
Dwayne Johnson continues with his usual ‘Coconut’ act…. tough outside, gentle inside. His towering screen presence with a sloppy smile is a winner but nothing to brag about.
As co-life guards, despite sincere effort at body baring, both Alexandra Daddario and Kelly Rohrbach appear like extras of the background, soon forgotten in a hurry. Zac Efron has sleep walked through the role, delivering each line dumber than the previous.
Compare to the whole star cast, the surf, sand and the sea of Miami makes up for the lost opportunity.