Arrange marriages are a real Pandora box. You just don’t know anything.
The person you are going to marry is a stranger who simply walked in.
The family you will be living with is completely new.
You might be gelling with everyone nicely, yet it is a new chapter.
You might have ensured that they are similar but things are surely different.
Nevertheless, the most nerving part of this entire drill is the first meeting.
You are expected to meet a person and decide within an hour if he or she is the ONE.
You might have loved the person in the picture. Maybe his or her Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn profile impressed you. Still the fear of meeting the prospective partner lingers. Those few minutes decide everything.
While you are anxious about the turn of events, yet the question lingers how to decide for the entire life in an hour or two?
What are you going to talk?
Would it be seem that you are too inquisitive if you try to ask too much or know too much about the person?
How will you figure out that he or she is the ONE- the ONE you want to live with for life?
There are so many fears, so many questions but we just are clueless about everything.
How to know the person is the ONE
Trust your instincts
The inner voice of yours always knows something that conscious mind ignores. Therefore, it is the time to listen to the inner voice. Just remember it is extremely feeble, so don’t let preconceived notions overpower you.
Walk in with open mind
Just go with the flow. Try not to go with a prejudiced mind. Try knowing the real person instead of being impressed with the pic, qualifications or some other factor.
However now it keeps on haunting that what if instincts, subconscious or heart does not respond on time. Even the fear remains that what if the answer get lost in the hurricane of thoughts. I know this sound more like leaving things on destiny. In this game of destiny, there are so many ‘what if’s. Yet the question remains, how can we decide everything in a matter of few minutes?
I know, it is said than done. We just cannot put our all of faith and sit back. The thing that now goes on pricking us, how on earth can one know the “real person”. Everyone will put his or her best foot forward on the first meeting. Even the other person will be nervous and going through the same whirlpool of feelings. Then how can we gauge the reality in all this.
What is it that we need to look?
Try looking for some basic things.
This might seem superfluous, if I say try know that how is the other person with eye contact. But never forget that eyes are the mirror of the soul. There will be really few moments of eye contacts, but you will know it in those only. Try to understand the eyes. The pair of eyes will hold your gaze atleast when something serious is on. If they wander around, then you just know something is fishy.
If you don’t know how to read eyes then ‘baby steps’ is the keyword. Go for small talk. Start with things about life, hobbies to see how the person reacts normally. However, when something else drops in, does that pair of eyes change? Do the reactions change?
Just understand this thing, this is the time to utilize what you have learnt all your life to know the person.
However, very few people can look straight into your eyes and tell a lie like it is true. So look for other non-verbal cues. These will tell you if the other person is too eager to get married or is s/he looking for a life partner.
Is the other person too giddy?
If the person too high on emotions then something is off. Your heart will know that.15-30 minutes are not enough. But they are enough for your heart. Your heart will know the story within seconds.
Just be firm on your decision. If it is the slightest of the NO or YES then be firm and assertive about it. This is about life.
Just remember one thing that like you, the other person is also trying to understand you. He or she is also trying to see if you are the ONE- if you can accommodate in their life or not. For him or her, it is also a matter of forthcoming life. So like he or she is giving you a fair chance to know the person, you also should. Just be yourself. Don’t try to sugarcoat anything, in real time it’s not about icing but the entire cake. You need to understand that life is not just about the wedding day or that goody good honeymoon phase. There is lot more to it. Life will have lows and highs. Would the person support you? Is he or she complementing you? Go beyond thinking about wedding day. Nevertheless, remember one thing you also need to accommodate in life.
Just have a small talk with yourself and balance your emotions.
However, if you think love marriages are better, then they are worse. You think you know the person, but you just know one side of the coin. But when you get to know the entire personality, you are just left gobsmacked. He or she was never the one knew. So, marriages will always remain a Pandora box. Never expect this to be a cakewalk, but you can surely calm down the raging storm. Although the other person completes you, but all is in you.