Today, I’m Giving Up on the Love I Never Had…

I’m giving up on your love. As the first light of the winter sun pierces through the chill and the fog, I wake up anew. I welcome this day with a fresh perspective, and a heart that beats stronger than ever. With my arms open wide and a smile that adorns my face, I open up myself. Today, I confess my undying love for you, a world of happiness I sought to lay at your feet. Yet, I confess another truth, I am done loving you. I give up waiting at your doorstep for that one look of recognition. 

I knock and knock, hoping to tell you my love will not leave you broken, not like the others. All you do is tear apart every shred of love I carry in my heart. I am done breaking myself down, only to build you up. Nevertheless, the foundation of your happiness stands on my unrequited love

Today, I'm Giving Up on the Love I Never Had...
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Standing in front of the mirror is not me, but a girl who was left far behind.

You may not see the scars but my soul is marred with the wounds you inflict, day in and day out. Your words were just that, mere words for you. Never did you realise they opened a gateway to my dreams, a world that will never be mine. A love that was never mine to begin with.

It is the break of a new dawn, the beginning of a new me.

This day may seem like any other to you, another one that entails dragging on with your life. While to you this day holds no surprise, for me it is a new turn on the old trodden road. For today, when you make a grim face holding out yourself from every happiness, I will mark a trajectory that takes me away from this misery. I will leave behind the shards of glass you cut me with, and wash away the love along with my bleeding flesh.

Today, I'm Giving Up on the Love I Never Had...
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Today, I am giving up on your love…

In doing so, I leave behind the hoard of grief that you so easily leave in my path. Like a bunch of nails strewn on the road, all it did was hurt me. I move on from the complications of your life, that you so easily blame on past relationships. Here is the reality that you continue to deny, your pain is your own doing. Getting hurt in love is not the end of the world; all you have to do is get up and dust off.

I refuse to be pulled apart in the tug of the war between your heart and mind.

The constant tussle eats me inside. Your love makes a husk of my soul with a gut wrenching cry of pain screaming to be let out, begging to free itself. Leaving me in the agony of your suffering, you continue to go about with your mediocre life. So today, I break up with this pathetic excuse you call life. I move on from you.

Today, I'm Giving Up on the Love I Never Had...
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For years, I went through carrying your excuses, your inhibitions on love, and the blames you throw around at everyone. Never once do you look inside your own heart, to rid it of the malice you supposedly abhor.

I believe I can do that for you, for the last time, as I walk away from you.

Never looking back, never regretting my actions. I deserve so much more than waiting around to fix you up, to get you to notice my existence. Today, I give up on the love I thought I might have someday.

Posted by Shilpi Saraswat

I am an avid bibliophile, and a sapiosexual. A self-proclaimed Tsondoku and a coffee addict, I'm a hopeless optimist who finds solace in reading, and writing is my sole companion. A proud supporter of messy hair and sweatpants.

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